Posted: April 24th, 2025

Manage Through Communication

 

Next, offer your perspective on transparency. In Chapter 3 of their book

Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

, Reina and Reina suggest that although one might “assume that they are obligated to share only what they need to complete specific tasks or projects” (p.45), this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Considering the statement above, discuss why leaders might provide information about their activities and decision making, even when employees may not be directly affected? Do you support this notion? Explain why or why not.

2 Paragraphs

43

chapter three

Trust of Communication

The Second of The Three Cs:
Trust of Communication

“I’m really disappointed and disturbed!” Laurie stated. “As a
supervisor of this unit, I’m always looking out for my people
and trying to do the right thing for the company. I can’t believe
my employees perceived my actions as self-serving!”

Have you ever felt the pain of being misunderstood? Have people
misread your intentions as self-serving when you were honestly
acting in the best interests of your company? Have you been in
situations where others had negative perceptions that were far
from the truth, yet they operated on those incorrect assumptions
without checking their accuracy?

“All I did was inform the boss about what was happening out
in the field—information he needed to know—and he blew up
at me!” Bob, a new sales rep, said in exasperation. “I’m never
going to stick my neck out again!”

Have you ever been shot down as the messenger communi-
cating bad news, yet you had nothing to do with creating that bad
news? Maybe you were trying to avert major problems, even head

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AN: 846281 ; Dennis Reina PhD, Michelle Reina PhD.; Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace : Building Effective Relationships in Your
Organization
Account: shapiro.main.eds

44 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

off a disaster for the company, yet your good intentions were nei-
ther acknowledged nor appreciated. Possibly you were even pun-
ished for being proactive.

Whether the situation involves relationships with your co-
worker, bosses, or employees, painful misunderstandings, ill-
placed outbursts, and undeserved hurts happen every day on
the job. They result in decreased risk taking and collaboration,
breakdowns in information sharing, diminished performance, and
damaged Trust of Communication.

What Is Trust of Communication?

Trust of Communication is the form of trust that allows you and
your colleagues to know where you stand with one another and
with your shared work. It’s the trust that creates an environment
of openness and transparency that “greases the skids” for col-
laboration and candid two-way exchanges. It empowers you to

R E C I P R O C A L

TRUST OF
CAPABILITY

TRUST OF
CHARACTER

C R E A T E D I N C R E M E N T A L LY

TRUST OF COMMUNICATION
Share information

Tell the truth
Admit mistakes

Give and receive constructive feedback
Maintain confidentiality

Speak with good purpose

DIMENSIONS OF TRUST®Three Dimensions of Trust

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 45

both give and get the information you need to do your job, take
responsibility for and learn from your mistakes, and talk through
issues and concerns with an eye toward deep understanding and
effective resolutions. Trust of Communication helps you create
workplace relationships infused with positive energy, a sense of
community, and shared purpose.

You earn Trust of Communication by practicing six primary
behaviors: share information, tell the truth, admit mistakes, give
and receive constructive feedback, maintain confidentiality, and
speak with good purpose.

Behaviors that Contribute to
Trust of Communication

You need Trust of Communication to develop open, honest inter-
actions that will support you and your colleagues in doing your
best work. You want trustworthy communication, right? Cultivat-
ing it begins with you. Let’s explore how to get it by practicing the
six Trust of Communication behaviors.

Share Information

Do the people you work with willingly provide information to
others? Or is information shared on a “need to know” basis? Do
you assume you’re obligated to share only what others need to
complete specific tasks or projects? Do your bosses or colleagues
take this approach with you? Answering these questions requires
honesty, both with yourself and with others.

Think about how fast the world is moving and how this speed
highlights the importance of fluid information flow. You know
firsthand how vital information is to you. You can’t be effective
without it. You and others need timely information to tie your
efforts to your organization’s purpose and strategy.

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46 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

In theory, people know how important sharing information
is. In practice, however, they all too often experience the bur-
den of progress being interrupted when critical information isn’t
received. Trust of Communication breakdowns persist when you
and others can’t get your hands on the information you need to do
your jobs. This is especially true when expectations are changing.

Jerry, the president of a large manufacturing operation, asked
us to assist him in assessing the climate of his organization.
The changes the company had made were not producing the
desired results, and the president had a sense that there was
some disconnect in the level of understanding among the
employees regarding the change. Although the president felt
the detachment, he wasn’t sure how to address it.

When provided with a safe forum to talk, people shared
their experiences regarding how the recent changes had been
managed:

“There was lack of communication—and much miscom-
munication—regarding changes that were taking place. Peo-
ple felt lied to. Human Resources had to pick up the pieces
after being left out of the decisions. Even if management
didn’t have the answers, they simply needed to say ‘We don’t
know.’ It appeared as though leadership was operating in a
chaos mode.”

“The information flow has dried up. The rumor mill and
grapevine is our source of information. We never know how
accurate it is. We feel as though we’ve been cut adrift and are
floating aimlessly.”

The president’s sense that something was wrong proved to
be correct. The lack of information had contributed to loss of

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 47

confidence and trust in the future direction of the company.
As a result, people no longer trusted what they heard and
felt less committed to the organization.

When information isn’t shared—or there’s a perception that it
hasn’t been shared—people feel left out, let down, and betrayed.
This is especially true when there is shifting of strategic direction,
roles, and reporting structures. When the flow of information
is stymied, people feel cut off from the pulse of their workplace.
They sense they haven’t been trusted with the information they
need to effectively perform and, in response, withhold their trust
from others. Anxiety increases; energy is diverted from the work
at hand. Guesswork and doubt take over, confidence and com-
mitment erode, and relationships and results suffer. Positive out-
comes are rare when needed information is withheld—even if that
concealment is unintentional.

On the other hand, when information is shared, people
develop the clarity they need to do their best work, extend infor-
mation to others in good faith, and enjoy the blossoming of col-
laborative relationships. They feel safe to voice their perspectives,
questions, and concerns, and navigate the impact of change on
their lives. When you and others are armed with a sense of know-
ing what’s what, you’re able to focus on performing your jobs with
confidence rather than expend energy trying to fill information
gaps. You feel informed and connected, and you find comfort
in knowing that whatever happens, you’re in good company to
weather the storm.

Sharing information inspires collaborative relationships.

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48 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

Given the payoffs to sharing information, why would people
withhold it? There are numerous reasons—some conscious, delib-
erate, and based on good reasons, and others not.

Information can be confidential. At times, managing informa-
tion is a balancing act of keeping those with whom you work
informed and fulfilling your obligations to maintain confiden-
tial and proprietary information. Transparency can be difficult in
these situations, but not impossible. In these instances, it may be
helpful to share that you’re not at liberty to discuss some infor-
mation, that you’re constrained by a code of confidentiality. Then
be clear about what information can and cannot be disclosed.
Others will understand the need for confidentiality and respect
your responsibility to maintain it. Your explicitness, genuine hon-
esty, and commitment to maintaining two-way accountability will
enhance others’ trust in you.

Information can be a security blanket. In addition to confiden-
tiality, personal insecurities may divert the flow of information, the
most common being the fear of loss of control. People may fear that
not being the only ones “in the know” will reduce their value to or
power within the organization. This is most common when people
are feeling particularly vulnerable and perhaps threatened. They
respond out of a need to justify themselves and their roles. Or they
may be driven to further their personal agendas or secure power or
influence. You may find yourself withholding information for these
reasons. You may not be ready to trust that others have your best
interests at heart. The problem with this posture of gatekeeping is
that you’re inadvertently reinforcing a cycle of mistrust. When oth-
ers see that you’re withholding from them, they’ll follow suit.

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 49

Information can be taken for granted. At other times, you may
not even be aware you’re withholding information. When under
pressure, it’s easy and normal to assume communication channels
are flowing. You may not intentionally withhold it, but the impact of
missing information on others is the same—diminished trust across
your relationships, and perhaps even feelings of betrayal.

Trust begins with you. To avoid breakdowns in Trust of Com-
munication, you may find it helpful to incorporate an information
check-in with your co-workers, boss, and others who rely on you
to provide them with updates. Review your understanding of their
information needs and ask them if you’re giving them what they
require to do their best work. Expand the conversation by review-
ing your information needs and extend the courtesy of asking for
the most helpful method for you to give and ask for what’s needed.

Giving and receiving information is in essence giving and
receiving trust. Growing trust results in stronger work communi-
ties filled with people who know their peers will support them in
meeting their goals.

Giving and receiving information is in
essence giving and receiving trust.

Tell the Truth

“I’m afraid of what will happen if I honestly share my
thoughts,” Roland, a quality engineer, said hesitantly. “I’ve
developed a tendency to say what I think others want me
to say rather than how I truly feel. This isn’t the way I want
to be, but this is how I feel safest in my current work envi-
ronment. You’d think that as long as I’m professional and

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50 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

considerate in expressing my opinions, there shouldn’t be any
negative consequences—but unfortunately this is not always
the case.”

Do you fear what will happen if you honestly share your
thoughts and feelings at work? Do you fall back on saying what
you think others want you to say rather than what you truly feel?
Do you ever signal to others—perhaps even unconsciously—that
you don’t want their true opinions?

People need a safe work environment where they can voice
their concerns, feelings, and needs. They need to openly talk
about issues. People want straightforward communication from
their leaders and one another. This means no lying, no exaggerat-
ing, no stretching or omitting or spinning of the truth. Lying and
spinning destroy trust. If people don’t tell the truth, trust can’t
grow. This is particularly important in our increasingly globalized
economy, where honesty is essential to building trusting relation-
ships cross-culturally. Because trust and honesty go together,
your ability to tell and encourage the truth is crucial for build-
ing trust and fostering honest communication in your workplace
relationships.

Your ability to tell the truth is essential for building trust.

It’s important to realize there are different kinds of truth.
There is the truth about the status of a project. The status of a
decision. The status of change. The truth about a position. A cli-
ent. A goal. And there are more personal truths—the truth of
your thoughts, opinions, and perspectives. The truth about your
confidences and vulnerabilities. Being aware of the different forms

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 51

truth takes—and being willing and ready to share all of them—
deepens your trustworthiness in your relationships, both at home
and at work.

Telling the truth isn’t always as straightforward as it seems.
People engage in half-truths or little white lies regularly. Have you
been on the receiving end of a partial truth? A white lie? Expe-
rienced someone telling you what they think you want to hear
rather than giving it to you straight? Have others been on the
receiving end of you doing the same?

“We don’t speak the truth at work,” Julie, a schoolteacher, said.
“People tend to withhold the truth or ‘sugar-coat’ it to protect
the relationship or to avoid negative repercussions. We are
afraid of the truth. We don’t trust what others will do with it.”

Sometimes telling the truth can be difficult. You may be nervous
others will get frustrated with you or won’t like what you have to say.
You may worry they will blame, judge, or criticize you. You worry
that you will lose the relationship. You may not be sure if the per-
son is open to hearing your perspective. You might slip into giving
a comfortable variation of the truth—or sharing a partial truth—
because you want to be accepted.

To help you come to terms with the inherent complexity of
truth telling, it may be helpful for you to realize that the truth you
are telling is “your truth.” You are unique and the truth you tell is
based upon your experience. Honor yourself and your perspective
by avoiding exaggeration or putting a spin on your perspective.

Although you may feel safer not being honest in the moment,
in the long run, your relationships will be damaged by this hesi-
tancy. Avoiding the truth causes your credibility to break down,
your trustworthiness to be compromised, and puts the acceptance

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52 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

you seek at risk. Hiding the truth fosters an environment of doubt
and confusion where it’s impossible for trust to grow. In the end,
you don’t feel good about yourself.

Telling the truth takes courage. The reward for having coura-
geous conversations about your thoughts, feelings, and perspec-
tives is that you’re perceived as authentic and trustworthy. People
notice your willingness to be vulnerable, and they share their vul-
nerability with you in return. As you extend trust through your
truth, others are inclined to tell you their truth in return. This
transparency will allow you and your co-workers to forge deeper
connections, take pride in your work, make better decisions, and
render stronger contributions to your workplace.

How to Tell the Truth

 State facts, and then offer your opinion or perspective of those
facts.

 Be explicit that you’re offering your interpretation of the facts, so
there is no confusion about what you’re communicating:

 “This is my understanding of . . .”

 “This is my opinion.”

 Be open to hearing an alternate point of view:

 “This is my take on the situation. What’s yours?”

 “This is how I see things. How do you see them?”

 Acknowledge that it might be difficult for others to hear what
you have to say:

 “I know this might be difficult to hear, but I’d like to share the
full story . . . or provide all the information.”

 Acknowledge when it’s difficult for you to tell your truth:

 “This is hard for me. I feel a bit awkward.”

 “I’m a little nervous how you or others might react.”

 Check the accuracy and appropriateness of your information:

 “This is the information I have. These are the facts, as I under-
stand them. Have I missed something?”

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 53

People often focus on the need for those in hierarchical posi-
tions of leadership to tell the truth. Yes, employees typically intuit
when they are not getting the straight scoop. People working
together side by side every day, however, are also highly attuned
to receiving spin from one another. Truth telling begins with each
and every individual. It begins with you.

Admit Mistakes

“When I take responsibility and admit my mistakes, it makes it
safe for others to admit theirs,” said Kate, a shift supervisor. “The
last thing I need is to be blindsided by covered up mistakes my
team members made that I should have known about and cor-
rected before orders were shipped to our customers.”

“We need to increase our speed to market,” said Max, a
project lead. “This means we’ve got to find new, innovative
ways of manufacturing our products. I need everyone on my
team to think out of the box, to take some risks. Yes, they’ll
make mistakes, but we all need to treat those mistakes as an
investment in our future position in the marketplace.”

As the complexity of the business world increases, it’s difficult
for you to have the right answers for all your questions and prob-
lems the first time around. You need to expand your approach
and accept the reality that mistakes will be made along the way as
you develop new solutions.

Your organization needs you to take risks in order to grow.
You also need to take risks to grow as a person. Sometimes you’ll
get the results you thought you’d get and sometimes you won’t.
If you aren’t making mistakes, however, you aren’t growing. The
biggest gains and deepest lessons learned come from mistakes—
when you allow yourself to make them.

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54 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

An environment where people take risks, innovate, and
stretch themselves to make progress is an environment where
mistakes happen. We all make mistakes. Even with the best inten-
tions, there will be times when you are pulled in several directions
or simply distracted by everyday concerns, and errors or slip-ups
will happen.

How do you respond to mistakes you make? Do you beat
yourself up? Are you hard on yourself? Or do you consider that
you made your best effort? How do you handle mistakes made by
others? Do you focus on the results they didn’t get or search for
insights and lessons?

An environment where people feel free to admit mistakes
is an environment that inspires innovation.

How you respond to your own and others’ mistakes sets the
tone for your relationships and is a key factor in squashing or cre-
ating Trust of Communication. When you own your errors, you
show others that you are a fallible human being, just like them.
You show them that you care about your company, take your
work seriously, and want to learn from your missteps. You let oth-
ers know you can be trusted to take responsibility for your actions
and that they can feel safe to do so, too.

Admitting mistakes isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of
strength. You inspire trust. You become known as a person who
suspends judgment, extends compassion, and gains perspective
on why mistakes happened in the first place.

So, given the benefit of owning up, why would you not admit
your mistake? You may be in a situation where you worry that
you’ll be judged, criticized, or seen as “less than” if you fess up

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 55

that you messed up. You may be concerned that you’ll be per-
ceived as less valuable to your organization. Or you may be so
overwhelmed with the pressures of everyday work that you’re too
anxious about how to handle your mistake. You might be tempted
to “save yourself some trouble” by simply ignoring it or moving on
as if nothing has happened.

Or, you might choose to make excuses or blame others.
The problem with blaming or pointing the finger at others is

that you and they can’t learn the valuable lessons mistakes bring.
Thomas Edison tried 1,600 materials before he discovered the
right one. You can choose to focus on his 1,599 mistakes, or not.
Edison categorized his errors, learned from them, and invented
the light bulb.

Covering up mistakes, justifying them, or blaming them on
others wastes precious time, impacts productivity, arrests inno-
vation, and stifles creativity. The impacts are equally negative
when you put others down, judge them, or ridicule them for their
mistakes: collaboration breaks down, trust is eroded, people pull
back, and the status quo takes over. Remember, you don’t break
trust when you admit a mistake—you break trust in how you
handle the aftermath of both your own and others’ errors. Trust
begins with you.

To admit your mistake, it’s always a good idea to speak directly
to those most impacted by your misstep. Taking responsibility for
making corrections and forging a stronger path forward can go a
long way in maintaining (or rebuilding) others’ trust in you. And
a simple “I’m sorry” is always appreciated, regardless of your mis-
take’s size or impact. You can learn a great deal by reflecting on the
perspective you’ve gained after the incident and considering how
you can apply these lessons to your work as you move forward.

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56 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

Give and Receive Constructive Feedback

“Many people here avoid giving feedback because they’re
afraid of confrontation or of hurting someone’s feelings,”
shared Sylvia, an instructional designer. “Also, giving feed-
back can involve lengthy conversations where issues are
brought to the table. Many times, it’s easier to avoid doing
this. I’m not saying this is effective, but it happens in this
workplace.”

“I know it’s going to be difficult for Joseph to hear how he
came across in the meeting with the division team,” said Cliff,
an account manager. “But I have a responsibility to provide
him with that feedback so that he can grow from it. I don’t
want to rob him of that opportunity.”

Do you avoid confrontation because you fear your criticism will
hurt the other person’s feelings? Can you open yourself up to
receiving feedback—without getting defensive?

Feedback matters. Most people associate feedback with con-
versations that directly relate to job performance. It’s true this
kind of feedback is essential to trust building. People need to
know how their performance is perceived. They want to know if
they are on track, or not.

There’s another form of feedback that builds trust, however:
the feedback that helps you discover how others experience you
in your relationships with them. This feedback is a powerful tool
that helps you become more aware of how you’re perceived by
others. Sometimes, you show up in ways that don’t match your
intentions and you aren’t even aware of it. The vast majority of
behavior that breaks trust is unintentional. The only way you can
become aware of your inadvertent missteps or the impact of your
missteps is through feedback.

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 57

Giving and receiving constructive feedback is at the core of
raising your self-awareness and building trust into your relation-
ships. Through it, you and your co-workers learn how to cre-
ate better work results, relate more effectively with one another,
and add greater value to your organization and your individual
careers. Remember, trust is the bridge between the business need
for results and the human need for connection. Work is accom-
plished through relationships. You build trust when you engage
in feedback with the spirit and intent to honor relationships and
help yourself and others learn and grow.

Yet you may struggle with giving effective feedback. You
may fear how others will react or be intimidated by their rank or
level of responsibility. Perhaps you don’t trust yourself to frame
your comments without getting emotional, judgmental, or pull-
ing unresolved issues into the conversation. Or you may work in
a low-trust environment that positions feedback as punishment
rather than as a learning opportunity.

Giving and receiving constructive feedback is at
the core of raising your self-awareness.

Requesting feedback—and getting it—can be just as difficult
as giving it. It’s human nature to not want others to think you
have shortcomings. It may be hard to hear that someone felt let
down by you. Slighted by you. Or that your comment hurt their
feelings.

Additionally, you may not trust what you hear because you
have reason to believe the criticism is not intended for your ben-
efit, but is rather meant to hurt or harm you. Or you may hear
echoes of prior painful mistakes that cloud your perspective. And
sometimes, it’s just plain hard to look at yourself—or ask others to

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58 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

do so. It may feel easier to avoid conflict, shortcomings, and mis-
takes than be proactive in addressing them.

Hesitancy to give, ask for, and receive direct feedback is both
understandable and common. Yet it can hold you and your team-
mates back from learning and growing.

Frank, a logistics coordinator, shared that his team meetings
were too cordial. “Everyone is so courteous to one another—
too courteous,” he remarked. Upon our further probing, he
detected unresolved conflicts among the team members.

Because of their reluctance to confront issues openly and
give one another constructive feedback, many issues sim-
mered just beneath the surface of Frank’s team and did not
get addressed. Team members talked with their leader about
their concerns, but they were unwilling to speak directly with
one another. They hoped the team leader would intervene
and do the talking. As the situation continued to decline, the
level of trust among the team members deteriorated.

No matter how difficult or uncomfortable it can be, it’s imper-
ative that you give, ask for, and receive honest feedback. Failure to
do so robs you and others of chances to connect with one another
on a more meaningful level and build trusting relationships.
When perceptions are not shared and issues don’t get resolved
through constructive feedback, the issues of today get lumped
together with the issues of yesterday. They grow in their magni-
tude and impact. Trust is undermined because people don’t know
where they stand or which direction to go next.

When others give you feedback, you may not always agree
with what they perceive about you. It’s important to remember
that their perceptions matter; they impact how they bring them-
selves to your shared work. You may discover that when you keep

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 59

an open mind, you learn something you didn’t know about your-
self, as well as about the people sharing their insights. Feedback
helps you see things and create opportunities that otherwise may
not have been open and available to you. This raised awareness
helps you make better choices about how to improve aspects of
your performance and move forward in your career.

Nicole is an office manager. In her small team of four peo-
ple, Nicole served as the ringleader in pushing back against
expectations set by upper management.

“I don’t mean to be disruptive, but I don’t understand this
new process,” Nicole would interrupt. A co-worker observed
how often she would self-sabotage her communications. “I
think you’re a nice person, but you don’t know what you’re
talking about,” she’d blurt out in a meeting. Her co-worker
reread Nicole’s emails and saw her efforts to engage. In every
message, however, she counted the dozens of times Nicole
had used the word but.

“Nicole, you’re the ‘but’ lady,” her colleague Samantha
shared over a cup of coffee in the empty conference room. At
first, Nicole didn’t believe her co-worker. Three hours later,
Nicole came back to Samantha’s office. She’d reviewed her
own email correspondence and was shaken by her findings.

“I’m so embarrassed,” Nicole said. “No one has every
approached me about this. I’ve always been told I am diffi-
cult to approach, and now I see why.”

After receiving this feedback, Nicole began to speak her
own truth with inclusive ands instead of exclusive buts.

Evaluations, performance reviews, contract renewals, rene-
gotiations, team meetings, and water cooler conversations: feed-
back is part of organizational life. But how do you tell people their

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60 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

behaviors are negatively affecting performance or your work-
ing relationship? Important to remember is that it’s not so much
what you say, but how you say it—and the intention with which
you offer your insights. Is your intent to put the person down, to
prove him or her wrong, and to make yourself right? Or is your
wish to make your colleague aware of how he or she is perceived
and to strengthen the relationship?

It’s not so much what you say as how and when you say it.

When you share your perspectives with a colleague, boss, or
employee, it’s vital that you keep the other person “whole.” You do
this by focusing on specific behaviors and being true to your posi-
tive intention to help rather than judge or criticize the other person’s
character. When people are put down or made to feel wrong or infe-
rior as human beings, their human dignity is betrayed. No one wins.

When you extend compassion while giving feedback, how-
ever, you support others to see opportunities to improve some-
thing—whether it’s a behavior, skill, or approach to a relationship.
You demonstrate that you care for the other person and that
you’re willing to invest in your mutual effectiveness. You build a
deeper sense of understanding for how to move forward together
in a strong way. People feel safe in proactively requesting feedback
from you if they trust your positive intentions in sharing it.

In addition to approaching feedback with compassion, you
build trust in your relationships when you express your true
thoughts and feelings in a timely and situational-appropriate
manner. You inspire trust when you take the time to discover why
they behaved the way they did and when you demonstrate appre-
ciation and gratitude for your shared work and relationship.

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 61

You can reflect this gratitude by sharing what you appreciate
about your co-workers and what you value about your connec-
tions with them. You may even wish to engage others in cre-
ative conversation where together you brainstorm ways you can
strengthen your relationships. Do not underestimate the power
of gratitude and appreciation. It helps to keep you, them, and the
relationship whole.

To give feedback effectively, you need to be willing to receive
it in return with gratitude. When others give you feedback, listen
closely and hear their intentions, instead of pulling away with a
focus on your comeback or response. Being defensive prevents
you from learning. Make an effort to be open and show genuine
interest in what you hear. When you do, people will experience
your receptiveness and will feel safe in sharing their perceptions.
You will earn their trust, and you’ll gain the added benefit of hear-
ing their perceptions again in the future.

Constructive feedback conversations take courage, ongoing
discipline, and an expansive view of your workplace relationships.
The traditional approach to feedback is top down—boss to subor-
dinate. In trusting relationships, feedback is a 360-degree process,
with all levels of responsibility respectively sharing their insights
with their peers, bosses, employees, suppliers, and other external
partners.

Having the courage to engage in constructive feedback con-
versations is an ongoing discipline that demonstrates commit-
ment to fostering trust in your relationships. Consider engaging
in feedback proactively to check in on the relationship rather than
waiting for a disappointment or breakdown to occur. Share what
works in your relationships, and then work through what doesn’t
on a regular basis. It may be helpful to explicitly ask what others

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62 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

need from you and be ready to share what you need from them to
produce your best work.

In trusting relationships, feedback is a two-way
street—you give it and you receive it.

Engaging others to provide you with ongoing feedback dem-
onstrates your commitment to your relationships and signals
your willingness to accept help to continually grow as an individ-
ual. When this happens, the level of trust in your relationships is
enhanced. Constructive feedback is a gift, both to those who give
it and to those who receive it.

Maintain Confidentiality

“I’m appalled that my co-workers discuss confidential infor-
mation inappropriately,” said Nancy, a customer service rep-
resentative. “The eagerness of some to expose confidential
information about a colleague or misuse personal informa-
tion of co-workers is demoralizing.”

“If people come to me in confidence and share something
that’s happened to them, I honor their confidence,” said Jack,
a copy editor. “If I don’t, I know rumors will get started,
things will get out of hand, and damage will be done.”

In any kind of relationship, confidentiality is essential to maintain-
ing Trust of Communication. When others share private or sen-
sitive information with you, they’re demonstrating their trust in
you. You have an obligation to honor their trust in the same way
you would want them to honor yours.

You may link the behavior of maintaining confidentiality with
critical, proprietary business information. The need for this kind
of confidentiality is well understood and rarely violated. You know

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 63

if you betray a confidence that is viewed as a business responsi-
bility that you can jeopardize advancement opportunities or risk
losing your job completely.

You are often exposed to other forms of information where
confidentially is equally important. You may become aware of
information regarding structure, roles, and responsibility shifts.
Perhaps you become “in the know” of the creation of a new posi-
tion, including the job’s salary range. When this type of infor-
mation is shared inappropriately, at the wrong time and in the
wrong manner, it can feed the rumor mill and diminish the
intended positive outcome of future announcements. Addition-
ally, it prevents your co-workers from carrying out communica-
tions in a thoughtful manner and denies others the opportunity
to hear news first directly from those who are tasked with deliv-
ering it.

When you share or become aware of key decisions and infor-
mation via backroom channels and gossip, doubt and specula-
tion often replace openness and receptivity. You and others may
begin to withdraw and hold back from sharing your own infor-
mation, for fear that your words may be misconstrued or used
against you in the future. An environment in which confidences
are not respected or maintained breeds distrust and causes dam-
age to workplace relationships, perhaps irreparably so.

Do you respect others’ requests to maintain the confiden-
tiality of sensitive information? Have you ever slipped and let a
secret out or leaked information to a close friend? Have you ever
shared personal information that you’re having troubles with your
spouse, that your son is failing in school, or that you’re looking for
another job only to hear your private communication bounced
around the water cooler a week later?

How do you deal with this kind of infraction?

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64 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

Having this kind of conversation lets people know that you
know they’ve violated your trust. When you ask for accountabil-
ity, it establishes a clear boundary and sets explicit expectations
regarding future communications. If you fail to address breaches
of confidentiality, then animosity and distrust will creep into your
relationships with others. If this behavior proliferates in the work-
place, its impact will destroy trust and cripple the organization.

Speak with Good Purpose

GOSSIP!!! Yes, I am aware of gossip around here,” said Pete,
a training instructor. “Who isn’t? You’d either have to be
deaf, dumb, and blind or living in seclusion not to hear it.
Although I don’t condone it, I’m sure I’m a perpetrator as

Tips for Dealing with a Confidentiality Breach

The best way to deal with a breach is to have a direct, honest
conversation with the person who leaked the information.

 Remind the other person of what you expected when you shared
your thoughts:

 “I trusted you with information. I asked you to maintain
confidentiality.”

 Be candid in your knowledge of what occurred:

 “I’ve learned that you shared my information with someone
else.”

 Be explicit in your future expectations:

 “I expect from you the same high degree of integrity and
confidentiality that I bring to you.”

 Ask for confirmation of understanding:

 “If I have a conversation with you in confidence, I expect you to
keep it in confidence. Are we in agreement?”

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 65

well as a victim of it. When I gossip about someone else, I
tend to feel guilty, but only after everything is said and done
because, honestly, no one thinks about it when they are actu-
ally doing it!”

“We have an agreement on this team, to talk directly to
one another when a problem arises rather than complain
behind one another’s back,” said Theo, a mid-level team
leader. “We’ve learned that when you hear others talking
in a negative way, it’s important to encourage them to stop
and talk to the person directly. Also, before reacting to some-
thing you hear, it’s important find out the whole story. Often
what we hear through the grapevine is not accurate and
can be quite damaging. Only we can stop that damage from
occurring.”

We’ve worked with hundreds of teams in different parts of the
world. They all share a propensity to gossip. Gossip is the most
frequent trust breaking behavior practiced in teams.

Do you talk or gossip about co-workers behind their backs?
Do you share what is troubling you clearly and freely, or do you
use insinuating remarks or slighting digs to convey your thoughts
and feelings indirectly? When you’re called to task for these belit-
tling remarks, do you take responsibility or hide behind a white
lie? Oh, I was only joking. Don’t be so sensitive!

Have you ever been the brunt of gossip? Have you discovered
that someone else’s issue with you is the topic at lunch or after
work drinks? How did you feel when this happened? What hap-
pened to your trust in others?

The behavior of speaking with good purpose is a litmus test
for developing trust-based relationships. We’ve established that

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66 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

disappointments, frustrations, and trust breakdowns come with
the territory of relationships. You speak with good purpose when
you talk directly with the individual who has broken your trust
with the positive intention of resolving your issues. In pursuing
these straightforward communications, you establish your expec-
tations that others will bring their concerns directly to you. After
all, if people have issues with you, you want to hear about the
issues directly from them rather than from someone else, right?

Gossip is the number one killer of communication trust in teams.

When you talk about your concerns with others rather than
the person you have an issue with, you fuel gossip and feed the
rumor mill. You contribute to a negative environment in which agi-
tation and speculation steal focus from where it belongs—on the
work itself. It becomes difficult for you and others to focus on goals
and creative problem solving when you’re constantly looking over
your shoulder and wondering who is talking about you behind your
back. Your energy is depleted by negative thoughts and concerns.

When you hide behind inappropriate humor and sarcasm,
gossip, criticize, or shun others, you undermine trust in your
communications. You shirk your responsibility to say what really
needs to be said and inject negative thoughts into the minds of
those around you—and into your own mind as well. In this way,
you actually betray yourself. You not only lose trust with the indi-
vidual with whom you have an issue or concern, but others note
your behavior. They become sensitive to the way you speak to
them and become more cautious with what they share with you
because they don’t consider you trustworthy. They may fear that
you’ll talk about them behind their backs, too. That fear is reason-
able. If someone gossips to you about another person, you suspect

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 67

you, too, will be the topic of their gossip. What goes around
comes around.

There are a variety of reasons why people struggle to find the
courage to speak with good purpose: the most common of which
is they just don’t know how. Here, we can help.

Mounting, unaddressed issues that get funneled into the
grapevine turn into major problems and conflicts later on—
leading to devastating impact on your own and others’ relation-
ships, morale, performance, and trust. People’s reputations and
opportunities can be damaged due to gossip—not to mention the
impact on the human spirit and work performance. The bottom
line is that no value comes from gossip.

“Oh, but I was only venting,” one individual shared to defend
her gossip. “We all need to vent from time to time,” exclaimed
another. “This is how we connect with one another—we share
our common concerns about someone else.”

How to Speak with Good Purpose

 Prior to engaging with your colleague, take time to center
yourself.

 Set a climate where you both feel safe to discuss your points of
view.

 Begin the conversation by sharing your intentions.

 Ask the other party to give you more information about the
concerns you have.

 Ask for your colleague’s point of view to gain perspective.

 Assume the benefit of doubt.

 Extend compassion by withholding judgment and bias before
you’ve heard your colleague explain his or her position.

 Be present in the conversation.

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68 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

Everyone has a need to vent from time to time. When you use
venting to help you gain perspective and prepare yourself to speak
with good purpose, you preserve trust. If, however, you fall into
the trap of venting without sound intent and responsible action,
you’ve not contributed to a positive outcome. You’ve simply cho-
sen to (wrongly) justify your gossip. Sometimes, it’s easier and
more comfortable to rationalize our behavior than it is to own it.
When we take ourselves off the hook in this way, we betray trust.

Venting can easily turn into complaining, gossiping, and back-
biting when it’s not constructive. Although it may make you feel
better in the moment because you’ve released your frustration,
venting does not make the issue go away. There is no positive out-
come unless you consider the steps you can take to work through
your frustration, issue, need, or concern—directly with the indi-
vidual with whom you have it.

Speaking with good purpose takes courage. Regardless of the
size of the concern or issue, your ability to speak with good pur-
pose, not engage in gossiping and backstabbing, and participate
in courageous conversations will have a positive impact on your
personal relationships. Others will notice the standard you set for
yourself and be encouraged to follow suit.

As Alan, a savvy supervisor shared, “I have made my expec-
tations clear: that people in this division address issues and
concerns with one another directly rather than through a back
door. To back up my expectations, I provided resources to help
them develop the skills to do so mindfully. They now directly
communicate problems and concerns to the appropriate indi-
viduals in an appropriate manner. Sure, there are slip-ups,
and gossip does creep in. But it doesn’t create the distraction
and damage it once did. It is managed.”

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chapter three  Trust of Communication 69

Speaking out against gossip builds a safe environment in
which to trust. Be explicit in your relationships: Don’t engage in
gossip. Adopt a stance that backbiting behavior is inappropriate
and unacceptable in your relationships. You and your co-workers
will build trust as you stop getting distracted by the day-to-day
drama of these “empty” communications.

Trust of Communication Builds Relationships

We all have a need for effective relationships with those we work
with and live with. We have a need for connection with one
another—to be heard, understood, supported, and given the ben-
efit of the doubt—particularly when we trip up.

Trust of Communication nurtures the fundamental human
need for healthy ways of relating and is essential to meeting busi-
ness needs. Business is conducted through relationships, and trust
is the foundation of effective relationships.

Trust of Communication is one thread in the delicate fab-
ric of human relationships. This fabric takes time to weave and
can become easily frayed or torn. Even a single conversation,
including those that are misunderstood and unintentional, can
have a significant impact toward building or breaking Trust of
Communication.

Your credibility unfolds through developing trusting relation-
ships based in meaningful dialogue. This connection allows you
to find out what matters to other people around you. As you lis-
ten and respond to their thoughts and insights, you earn their
trust. They feel comfortable to share more with you, and you gain
a comprehensive picture of what’s on their minds, as well as in
their hearts and souls. You come to understand your colleagues
as multidimensional people rather than as “the night shift” or “the
finance department.”

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70 Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace

This realization allows you to develop strong relationships
and gain others’ support when you most need it. Inclusion and
involvement become integral to your daily interactions. Your
words and actions reinforce your trustworthiness. Trust develops
between you and your co-workers as you understand they care
for you and are there to support you to take risks and to fulfill
your responsibilities. And you care for and are there to support
them. Trust of Communication contributes to developing a safe
and productive work environment where your Capacity for Trust
in self and others increases, your relationships flourish, and your
organization’s performance expands.

Trust Building in Action
Reflecting on Your Experience

1. Where in your personal and work life do you experience high levels
of Trust of Communication?

2. Of the six behaviors that contribute to communication trust, choose
one or two that you feel represent opportunities for you to build
more trust in your relationships with others.

 Share information

 Tell the truth

 Admit mistakes

 Give and receive constructive feedback

 Maintain confidentiality

 Speak with good purpose

3. How do you want to show up in your relationships?

Trust Tip  When you engage in gossip you are sending a
message about yourself. You leave doubt in others
people’s minds about your trustworthiness. Their
inner voice goes off: I wonder what this person says
about me behind my back?

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